funny_herman

Current Mood: thoughtful

hmm.

With Adam gone, the Klub remains its old, raucous self, while I dwell on the absence of one person. I tend to do that. It isn't as if his leaving will produce some catastrophic change in our daily and nightly routines. Still, he'd become a thread in this existence. A thread that unraveled and run itself out.

Ah, well.

Ophilia still has her Francine to take the sting off, I suppose. And Kost...? I don't know. Sometimes I cannot help but think that we have things in common, even if we don't speak to each other that much. Her temper when she's drunk leaves much to be desired, however. But she is often aloof, as am I. Love has brought her grief...as it has done so for me...

It was almost a year ago that I was the saddest I'd ever been. But I promise to not let my grief overshadow everything and everyone else.

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You know very well you just answered your own question. *pauses* More or less. And we didn't want to risk any awkwardness maybe making things get nasty. We said goodbye last night, figured it'd be safer to leave it at that.

*gently* C'mon, Herman, don't change the subject. Are you okay? I know what time of year it is and I don't...well, I don't want you to...to bottle yourself up too tightly.

*glances at her again and then focuses on making a sharp crease as he folds a napkin* I know, I know...I promise I won't. *after a pause* I know it's already been a year but sometimes it feels as if it were just yesterday. *sets the napkin on the folded pile and starts on another one* Doesn't seem like I've moved on at all. *chuckles ruefully*

*she throws away the last bulb and proceeds to pluck up a napkin, spreading it out and frowning at it before beginning to fold it* I don't think it's something you can get over all that quickly. I mean, a year isn't all that much, not really. You're moving, little by little. *she lowers her voice to a discreet level* You've been with other people. That counts as something.

*his eyes lowered* Mm, yes...I suppose... *suddenly raises his eyes* No, you're absolutely right. I shouldn't keep denying that I've at least tried to move on. How defeatist of me. *shakes his head and continues to fold his napkin*

Exactly. *looks down at her napkin and realizes, bemused, that she's been trying to make a paper airplane out of it* Don't push yourself. *she suddenly extends her index finger and pokes him in the shoulder* But don't discount yourself, either.

*nods resolutely* Right.

*after a few moments of folding; hesitantly:* Um...could you...or, do you want to come with me to the cemetery? I'm thinking of going sometime next week. I don't know yet.

*she strokes a fold in her napkin with her fingertip* 'Course I will. Just say the word and I'm there.

*looks up with a tight-lipped but grateful smile* Thanks.

*utters a small sigh and straightens out the stack of folded napkins* So. How are things with you?

*she unfolds the napkin to start again, shrugging a shoulder as her face reddens ever so slightly* Ohhhh, y'know...

*grins and rolls his eyes good-naturedly* Oh, let me guess. You're in love with Danny.

Actually, no. *with a straight face, blithely folding away* I saw Jesus in a puddle and have decided to devote my life to God and become a nun. I leave for my convent in a week.

*restrains a laugh, and instead puts a hand to his chest in mock-surprise* Why, Frankie, that is wonderful news! Have fun wearing uncomfortable underwear and black and white for the rest of your life, dear.

*she glances down at her usual black trousers and white shirt and looks up at him with a cocked eyebrow* Well, one outta two isn't bad. And how're they gonna know what's goin' on under my habit?

*ominously* Mm, they may not know...but the Lord will know.

Yeah, well, I always knew He was just a Dirty Old Man and the confessional is His own private stag flick.

*she sighs, smiling ruefully* Honestly, Herman? Things're good. To the point where it makes me nervous, they're so good. I didn't think feeling this crazy just being around someone was supposed to last so long.

*folds his arms on the bartop* Well, it certainly helps that he's crazy about you as you are about him. In other words, the craziness is mutual. It wouldn't last so long if it were one-sided, so you're in luck there.

*the napkin finally folded correctly, she lays it down on top of the folded pile and stares thoughtfully at it* Yeah. I did get lucky.

*after a long pause, she goes on* I never much believed in the whole concept of soulmates. I guess I still don't, at least not the way it was told to me, like some giggling schoolgirl fairytale where everything comes up roses. But I think maybe I understand what they were trying to get at, although they left out a lot of the important things.

*pensively rests his head on his knuckles* Important things? Like what?

I guess it's really only one thing. *she pauses, trying to gather her thoughts* Whenever you hear people talking about soulmates, they always make it seem as though every scar from your past, all your flaws and bad habits just disappear, go poof!, and all your soulmate sees is how perfect and wonderful you are, and vice versa. It's such sanitized bullshit, y'know? All that "stuff" - the mistakes you've made, all your fuck-ups and less savory bits of your character - they make up such a big part of you and it's like saying you have to cut that out of you to be worth loving. And it's just not true.

*her fingers knot and un-knot on the bar top* I get overly defensive sometimes, and reactive. Peevish when someone's really mad at me. I grew up spoiled, for all my being a rebellious tomboy, and it shows on occasion, when I don't get my way. My father was crazy and a part of me is seriously screwed up over that. I can be clingy. And he knows all of it, he doesn't ignore it, and he loves me anyway. That's better than being perfect in anyone's eyes.

*listens to her intently, watching how she holds her eyes and her self-conscious fidgeting, and he smiles faintly when she's done*

Well, I'm sure that Danny knows that he's far from perfect, and if he were to judge you by your imperfections, it would only be hypocritical of him. And that's the last thing he'd ever want to be. Besides, you also love him despite all his flaws. Personally, I think your relationship is, in fact, perfect.

*she allows herself a small smile and a shrug* Maybe. Feels like tempting fate to call anything perfect. Like it'd jinx it.

*chuckles* I think the only way you can jinx this is if you willingly wish a jinx upon it. So don't!

Don't worry, that's the furthest thing from my mind. Believe me.

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hmm.

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