funny_herman | Return of the Former Me.

*bustles into the dressing room, shedding his jacket at the same time*

Hey, Herman! Ain't seen you all damn day. How's it goin'?

*hangs his jacket on a hook and starts to undo his tie*

*looks up from the thin stack of musical arrangements and manages a smile*

Oh, I'm fine. *lowers his head again and shuffles the sheets* Just a bit...I don't know. "Out of it," as you say.

*pulls his necktie loose and drapes it over the back of a chair, glancing at Herman out of the corner of his eye*

London wasn't too much for ya, was it?

*unclips his cufflinks and sets them beside the ashtray on the vanity table*

*with forced distraction, and without looking up* Hmm? Oh. No, no, of course not. It was wonderful.

*cocks one eyebrow slightly as he starts to unbutton his shirt, looking at Herman's reflection in the mirror; he sighs audibly, not knowing what to say or where to take this*

Oh, yeah. Frankie said she wanted to talk to ya.

*this time he looks up again* About what?

*pulls his shirttails out and slips the shirt off*

I dunno. Does she need a reason?

*drapes it on the back of the chair and tucks his undershirt back into his trousers*

*after a slightly chastised pause* No...I suppose not.

*he then resumes staring unseeingly at the sheet music in his hands*

*with another sigh, he turns to him*

Herman, for fuck's sake, get a hold o' yourself, man, I can't take your crazy zest for life!

*he eyes him strangely for a moment -- then his lip twitches in a smirk; he shakes his head and sighs*

I'm sorry... I'm just... *he shrugs a shoulder*

I know. Out of it.

*turns back to the mirror, lifts his hat, smoothes his hair back, and sets his hat back down, tilting the brim at a slight angle; he turns back to Herman*

But whenever you're ready to get back into it, that'd be just fine with the rest of us, too. Okay, buddy? *leans over and claps him on the shoulder, before heading toward the door*

Stick around, Frankie should be here in a sec.

*he nods wordlessly, chewing his lower lip, inwardly thankful for the brief contact, and watches Danny slip out the door and close it behind him*

*Frankie's headed at a brisk pace for "the boys'" dressing room and nearly sails right past Danny on his way out*

Hey. *puts her hand on his arm, looking past him at the dressing room door* He in there?

*stops short* Yeah, go right in. Oh, and he's really, really down for some reason. Well, yeah, of course, but you know what I mean. He was fine when we got back, you saw how he was.

*nods* Yeah, I did. *scrubs a hand through her hair and emits a long sigh* Damn.

Okay. *lightly squeezes his arm and flashes a determined smile* I'll be out in a few.

*nods* Alright. See ya then. *he glances at the door then back at Frankie, and as he turns to leave for the stage his hand brushes against hers, stopping to give her fingers a brief but encouraging squeeze*

*after Danny leaves, Frankie stands in front of the door with her hands jammed into her pockets, chewing on her bottom lip and trying to decide exactly how the fuck she's going to do this*

*with a sigh, puffing her lips out and ballooning her cheeks as she exhales, she rap-tap-taps on the door*

Herman, it's Frankie. You decent? Mind you, if you say 'no' I'm gonna come in anyway, I just thought I'd be polite and ask first.

*Herman, still sitting on the couch, sets the sheet music aside with a soft sigh, he gets up and goes to the door. He opens it a crack about two inches wide, and peeks out with one blue eye.*

*with a purr* I have never been more indecent than I am now, liebling.

*after a brief pause, he stands back and opens the door all the way* Just kidding. *he smiles a little, not entirely able to hide the melancholy*

Good Emcee impression. Uncanny, really. *kisses his cheek as she enters* And what would you have done if that purr of yours had inspired me, hapless and impressionable girl that I am, to jump your bones?

*plunks down on the couch, careful not to disturb the sheet music, and folds her legs underneath her, regarding him with slightly narrowed eyes* It wasn't an impression, was it? You ate the Emcee and absorbed his personality, and you've been keeping to yourself because you're suffering from terrible indigestion.

*turns to her with a straight face and deadpans:* Yes. Exactly. Nothing gets past you, does it? I probably would not have protested if you'd jumped me, given that the Emcee's personality has permeated my being.

*shuts the door and wanders over to the couch, and he gathers up the sheet music into a neat stack*

Suspenders and all, huh? Must've been...hard to chew.

*decides humor isn't going to work and opts for being straightforward* Herman...if you'd rather I not be here, tell me, and I'll go.

*glances at her with a strained expression* No...don't go. Please. *sets the stack of paper on the seat of the chair and sits beside her, exhaling a sigh*

Okay.

*reaches out to smoothe hair off of his brow; quietly:* Don't fade away on us, Herman.

*shakes his head, staring at some vague spot on the wall* I won't. I'll try not to, at least. I'm not sure why it's suddenly become so difficult for me -- I thought I was all right. I thought I'd found a way to deal with it. To live with it. Now I almost feel as if... *shrugs a shoulder* As if I have no purpose to be here.

*feels an overwhelming sadness settle on her like a heavy blanket* Oh, Herman. You're essential.

*glances at her helplessly* I know, I know... It's just... I suppose when Molly gave me the little knit hat her daughter made, it all hit me, how much I've lost. *sighs and puts a hand on her knee* I know I still have you, and Danny, and everyone else who's been kind to me, but a part of me died that day and that's not going to change.

*he inadvertently sniffs as a lump wedges in his thoat* I thought I could handle it. I really thought I could.

*her heart breaks at his admission and she swallows hard, blinking back a suspicious brightness at the corners of her eyes*

*when she first opens her mouth, her voice wavers and cracks a little* I wish...I could say that I know it'll get easier, but I don't, I have no idea, and I can't lie to you, Herman.

But I do know that you're one of the strongest men I've known to've even come this far...

*he squeezes her knee, then crosses his arms and rubs his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers; with another sigh:* Maybe...maybe I'm trying too hard. *he passes his hand over his face and looks at her with red-rimmed eyes* Trying too hard to...get over the pain. Because that in itself is painful, and...I think I'm just distancing myself from everyone more and more in the process because I don't want anyone to become despondent on my account.

Someone told me that...trying too hard to avoid feeling something just makes it that much worse. Different situation, but...I think...I think it still applies.

*he chews the inside of his lower lip and turns back to the random spot on the wall, his brow knitted in thought; some amount of silence passes*

Thank you. I just needed to hear that. And I just needed to...talk.

*smiles faintly and shrugs* 'Swhat I'm here for.

*manages a faint smile of his own* And you do a very good job of being here. *pauses* Did you want to talk to me about something...? Or did you just want to...have a pre-show warm-up chat of sorts?

*shrugs again* The latter. Haven't talked to you much since you got back. *chuckles* Was having Herman withdrawals, I guess.

*chuckles bashfully* Oh... I didn't think such an affliction existed.

Oh, but it does. See, the only real sympton is a very specific kind of pout, goes kind of like--*screws her mouth up to one side and exhales a sigh, resulting in a raspberry blowing the fringes of her hair around*--that.

Ahh, I see. Very debilitating indeed. I'm glad you received a dose of me just in time.

*sage nod* It was a very close call.

*nods in agreement* Mmm. And it's going to be another very close call if we don't get onstage right about now.

*glances at the clock, shouting "Fuck!" as she almost literally bounces off the couch and right out the door*

*he laughs loudly at her reaction, and after gathering up the stack of sheet music, he leisurely follows her path out the door*

Return of the Former Me.

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