funny_herman: (recline)
A letter from Herman, in response to this one, arrives at the Plaza Hotel in Boston the day after Danny and Frankie arrive.

Dear Frankie & Danny,

When I had asked for the both of you to write me letters, I didn't expect for you to write one together! That was probably the most entertaining letter I've ever read. Thank you!

And thank you for looking out for a good sailor or two -- I do admire a man in a uniform. (There's just something about the cut of their trousers.) You've made me long for the open sea with your adventure so far. It sounds as if there is much fun to be had on a ship: the people, the sights, the food. Did that gorilla-chef ever give you any more trouble? Hopefully not, as I would very much like to welcome Danny back home as I remember him: in one piece.

So, despite the small size of your cabin, you seem to have made the most of it. I can't think of anything else to do in such close confines than while away the time...perpendicularly. ...I imagine Uncle Leon had the same idea? Surely being on a ship with women from all walks of life is something close to paradise.

It's funny you should ask about any new additions to the Klub, as I was going to tell you straight away that Fritzie and Frenchie have returned. Can you believe it? I will let you take a few moments to allow this news to sink in.

....

Yes, it really is true!

The Emcee is especially glad to have them back, not only to fill the gaps in the stage company with you being away, but you know that he harbors some deep-seated affection for his wayward girls. They are none the worse for wear, I think, which is wonderful. Sometimes it feels as if they had never left.

And now comes the part where I tell you about things that, had you been here, you would have found out about even if I hadn't told you.

The moment Fritzie returned, she had sort of...set her sights on me. (You remember how she was, and she is still like that, so you don't have to worry there.) It rather started out as a game, really, playing around and flirting with me until I blushed to a crisp. I could flirt with her, too, but she always seemed to have the upper hand. Then there came the nightly dreams about her -- I don't have to explain what kind of dreams, do I? -- and I could not get her out of my mind. I will admit that I became infatuated with her, but not in the romantic sense of the word at all, as one might expect from me, I suppose. I simply wanted to know what it would be like to have sex with her. (Was that statement shocking enough for you?) And every time Fritzie and I found ourselves in the same space, the air between us was always electrically charged, as if one wrong (right?) move would send us colliding into each other in a ball of flames.

Well, it finally came to a head one day when I was trying to work at the piano. I was already distracted by thoughts of Fritzie when she appeared and joined me on the bench. And I can't exactly remember how it started, but... We ended up fucking on the piano. That was in fact the dream I had been having, you see, and I told it to her, but I didn't think she could be so...accomodating? She was sitting up on the keyboard and she had her legs around me, and each time we moved there came some random chord that seemed to echo our shouts. It was...quite poetic. Needless to say, our poor old piano received a workout that it most likely had been dreading since taking up residence in the Kit Kat Klub, but I can't say that I have any regrets. Fritzie was amazing.

And she's looking forward to your return.

And now, for some reason, the Emcee has set his sights on me. Oh dear.

With that in mind, I think I should end this letter here. Hopefully the both of you have had a lovely journey, and that Boston welcomes you with open arms. I will write again before Christmas!

Much love as always,
Herman

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Herman

April 2008

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